Guiding Myself.

My dear self,
First of all you should know that I love you a lot. There would be no time on earth I would stop doing so. My life’s been quite overwhelming in the period when I was supposed to be going to college and enjoying adulthood. None-the-less I don’t regret any of it now, infact I feel grateful because that period shaped me into who I really am. These are few things I want you to remember..
1. First love yourself. Be generous and kind to yourself. Don’t let anyone define who you are. Create yourself wisely.
2. Never ever give up on Family. Family is a life long possession. Stay together in thick and thin.
3. No one can ever replace parents. Start valuing them right at this moment.
4. Recognize the value of people. People are good. Always put them before material things. Spend time with them.
5. When in pain, remember nothing is permanent.
6. Learn to forgive people and move ahead of a situation that you can’t control but don’t forget what they teach you.
7. Smile more often, crack joke every now and then. Don’t stress. Life is meant to be easy not hard.
8. Try to help everyone you come across in your life, in some way or the other.
9. There will be moments in life where you will be all alone wanting desperately for someone to console you. Remember you are your best friend.
10. Read a lot of books, talk with variety of people, learn an art, dance and sing, travel, create good memories. In the end memories matter not money.

Be your awesome self and last but not the least make sure that before you depart from this world there are atleast 5 people Smiling just because of you.

Love you forever.


The Man.

1. Alka and her mother, finally agreed to return at half past twelve in the night after being denied with the exact information of the incident unless a male escorts them.”I will be there early in the morning. We will visit him together. Will you both please return home and take rest till then? I can’t be at peace with the thought of you both suffering.”, saying so her dada convinced them. Together, they came back. There was an awkward and painful silence between them. They sat as close as they could. Alka found solace in the scent of her mother flowing from the folds of her green chiffon saree. She didn’t process the whole thing yet for she knew it will shout out the truth loud and clear. She was not ready. When they realized there isn’t anything more left to do but to wait for the next day to arrive, they planned to sleep. But like every plan, this too failed. Alka was feeling a numbing sensation and an intense desire to speak, both at the same time but she lost her vocabulary. All she could manage was to give a painful smile from one corner of her mouth which reached her Amma’s seemingly void eyes. Amma nodded in approval to Alka’s gesture to try and sleep. It was not until dawn that sleep finally took over their tired bodies.
The next morning Alka woke up to a little bird chirping at the slightly ajar window. “Amma has probably woken up already”, she thought to herself “I shall stay strong for her no matter how things unfold.” She folded the bed-sheet nonchalantly while glancing out of the window at the parked, now disoriented bike, sitting on which he always waved good-bye. She played yesterday’s moment of good-bye with him which now felt like a dream. Just then she heard a call from the drawing room. Her Amma’s voice that came running across the hall was comforting yet emotionless. Unlike every-day the voice wasn’t shrieking near her ears. She kept the folded bed-sheet which they have brought together with him from art exhibition that year, and moved towards the voice which although was familiar, the pain in it felt unfamiliar. The drawing room had everything as it had yesterday, the day before and the many days before it but today, the vibes it gave was none like she ever witnessed. Alka saw the two people she needed to be with. Her mother was sitting while her brother was composed in a kneeling position with his head bowed down, as if he won’t ever lift it again. He was holding his Amma’s hands. All the four hands were joined in praying position. Alka ran towards her Dada, stumbling upon his luggage on her way. As she ran, for the first time since yesterday’s return from the hospital, she let the conversation make sense. Her conversation with the hospital head which although never gave a confirmation of the non-existence of her father still conveyed it in an eloquent way. Everything fell into place, everything seemed painful and tears started their journey from her welled up eyes on to the white marbled floor, on which her father walked. She reached her Dada’s hand and soon they all for the first time started wailing in pain together. For a moment in that togetherness, Alka had an illusion of the familiar strong hand with the golden ring on the thumb embracing them in a warm hug. After that everything happened involuntarily. They were now at the mortuary waiting for the akin strong build, dark to medium skin color, 55years old and 5’7” body but this time the body will emerge lifeless. As she got a glimpse of the trolley, she turned her back and for a moment held her breath. The trolley came to a halt. She heard her Amma sobbing and from the corner of her eyes she saw Dada trying hard not to make a sound from his mouth. She then turned to look at the man, her father, her nana, the one who unknowingly bid his last good-bye yesterday. She was in conflict now. One part of her wanted to collapse to the ground where as another wanted to act strong for her mother. In the moment of conflict her hand reached her father’s pointed nose, the one feature she always wished she had inherited. It felt cold. The moment stayed still for a second after which everything followed in a more chronicled way. The night arrived and everyone was too exhausted to even think of what’s next, to even realize that they have not eaten anything. Sitting on the cushioned bed with the tiny blue bed-bulb giving the much needed condolence, they retired from the horrific present into a deep slumber.
Few days passed. It was now time to move on with the rest of their lives. The morning of the day on which they were supposed to leave their home, finally arrived. It was the first thought that came to her as she woke up. He was gone. And, soon, this bedroom, the house on whose eastern corner it sat, and the tiny garden with its gnarled old red hibiscus and the half grown mango tree they had planted together, all those would be gone as well. It was the strangest feeling ever. She moved out to find her Amma cooking and her Dada packing necessary stuff. She walked towards him and sat on the floor next to him. He smiled at her and handed over a diary embedded with her father’s initials. The diary was empty except for the first page which read “Life : It goes on.” The curves of the handwriting are the ones she grew up admiring. The words were as beautiful as all the other words that hand wrote. She looked at her Dada when her Amma came with breakfast and announced “We will move with Dada to Mumbai and take with us all the memories our Man has left for us.” They went to the breakfast table, when Alka glanced at the parked old bike and declared ,” Dada will teach me how to ride Nana’s bike. It’s mine now.” Dada smiled as a tear escaped his left eye.
Winter has already arrived and Alka was getting accustomed to the busy roads and swarming train crowd of Mumbai. It’s been 6months, 12days and 4hours now, living without the Man, her Nana. Sitting on the evening local train, Alka felt as if her family was actually doing the impossible. She again saw the date, 13th December and tomorrow is 14th December, the day on which as a child she waited for the delicious cake that her father would get from his staff as a celebration for his birthday. She now felt silly at the thought that back then she remembered 14th December as the “cake day” rather than as her Nana’s birthday. She wasn’t entirely at fault either, the Man himself never made a big fuss of his day. His children’s day was his day. He made his sacrifices look like his duty. While the dim lit train compartment reflected more dirty yellow light as the sun went down, she caught herself thinking for a wee-bit moment about her father taking birth somewhere. She believed in reincarnation. At this thought the train seemed to swing her left to right as if to bring her back from her delusions. At the next station she was getting comfortable with the crowd moving out with only a handful of people scattered here and there. Few seconds for the train to leave the platform when a hunched lady grabbed the pole at the center of the train door with her right hand while holding a cloth bag that had more dirt on it then there was on the train, in her other hand. Her hands had infinite wrinkles at every corner. Her veil was now revealing her face which seemed to have aged more than her hands. A smile left her dry lips when she realized she was now on the train. After adjusting to the pace of the train she slowly walked to the corner where Alka sat. She grabbed her cloth bag tightly as she took a seat opposite to Alka. Alka gave a recognizing glance at the old lady and then continued with her train of thoughts. After about 15minutes, the old lady said “Hi” with the sweetest smile and continued, “You seem sad. Any problem?” Alka always kept every thought to herself but today she was weak, she needed company. Her lips trembled as she opened them to speak and finally uttered ,”Tomorrow is my father’s birthday and I miss him. He is dead.” The old lady’s expression didn’t change. Alka expected sympathy but she got none except for a plain face. After waiting for few seconds the old lady said ,”See girl! You are young to understand this but still you need to know that people will die. Everyone you ever knew will die one day. When their part is done, they leave. Nobody will stay, neither me nor you. It’s painful when someone leaves but just ask yourself how far is it right to suffer and not give the ones who are alive some good memories to cherish when we leave? I am sure your father must have left some beautiful memories, cherish them. He too would want the same. And start living for the ones who are here before it’s too late.” The old lady’s voice was so clear that each word she spoke seemed to meditate. Alka felt a sense of calm. This was all she needed, plain blunt truth about the impermanence of life. It did the job of pushing her from her apathy. Alka opened her mouth to speak and all she could say was “Thank You!” A genuine heart-felt gratitude followed the words. Alka’s stop was nearing, she quickly hugged the lady and gave her best smile. As she got down, both waved good-bye.
14th,December. Alka made a big cake and celebrated with her Dada and Amma. They created some more beautiful memories to cherish.

Berhampur Raahgiri Day

An Introduction : Raahgiri day – the day where the whole city comes together to showcase its talent and unique aspects. Raahgiri day was first organized in Gurgaon in the year 2013. Every Sunday a part of the road is closed for vehicles and throughout the road people showcase unique talents, stage shows, street arts etc. Here is the wiki link :

Berhampur Raahgiri : Berhampur – The Silk city of Odisha celebrated its first Raahgiri day on 10th April,2016. Very few people were aware of the ongoing event but as the weeks proceeded many people gathered from around the city to witness Berhampur as never before. The event is organized from the junction near the Baptist Church, Giri Road and stretches through the road connecting Sashi Bhusan Rath Government Women’s college, Khallikote Autonomous College and continues on Town Hall Road till the PVN Rao petrol pump. The Silk city – Berhampur whirls up with smiles and laughter throughout this stretch of road as different events are organized.

As we start from near the church, we see people doing yoga, then as we move forward we see a group of students skating, then we have the sand art, street show, rangoli, and a stage to display Berhampur’s dancing and singing talent. We also have a camp for BP and sugar level checkup, which is a very wise movement as many people neglect their check-ups. As we move ahead we have the boxing group of Berhampur, then an artist painting his message, and many more. I am sharing the photos I have captured to give you a glimpse of Berhampur when people unite 🙂

Photos from second Raahgiri Day (17th April,2016)

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Photos from fourth Raahgiri Day ( 1st may,2016)

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Being a Berhampurian living for over a year in another city, I missed my city but Raahgiri Day made my visit special, my moments with my family and friends memorable. I stay in a joint family and coming from a family which has many kids of age group 5-12, I witnessed the enthusiasm in the kids face, their eagerness to show their talent in front of people to get appreciated. My smaller Cousin is 8years old. Seeing so many people doing something or the other she decided to show her hula hooping talent and so she did. People enjoyed it and she was happy with people’s response. She has got her admirers and now she awaits every Sunday to visit Raahgiri and also she plans to dance when she gets a chance 🙂

This is her:



Stay connected through Raahgiri Day and join in the celebration with hundred other Berhampurians.
Special mention to Berhampur Police and Municipality who do a great work in controlling the vehicles and providing with other facilities.
Thank you.


An evening at Tampara Lake

It’s been few days now since my visit to my hometown, Berhampur ( The silk city of Odisha, India. Here’s the wiki link : . One afternoon after lunch uncle said,” Let’s go somewhere.”
To which I replied,” Umm, why all of a sudden you wanna go.” Later after a 15min discussion and then deciding our destination, I collected two reasons behind the sudden plan.

1. Few days ago I was upset with my Aunt for not taking me along to Bhairavi temple( this one : ). So this was her way of making it up to me. 😀
2. Uncle started learning to drive the car recently and he is as excited to drive as the little kid next door who never stops pedaling his cycle around.

So we started at around 16:30,which was supposed to be 15:30. There were four ladies and two kids, you can see the reason behind the lag. Oh! don’t blame me, I changed my orange netted top only because mom thought white one will look good.
It was a Tata Indigo Car, a five-seater one (including driver seat). And kids didn’t agree to stay behind, also it would be no fun without the real posers now, would it? So I had to take one on my lap. This girl is my cousin. I didn’t exactly let her sit on my lap, I just gave her a little space (very little I say). Now again don’t blame me for being of more than average build :-p So we adjusted ourselves and started our journey. After a bleary ride of almost 50 min under the late afternoon sun and after taking two wrong turns, we finally reached our spot. Tampara Lake, one of the largest lake in South Odisha near Chatrapur along the National Highway. Before taking the turn off the highway, we got down at a local shop as the smallest cousin was already hungry and she wanted chips. So while they were gone for the chips, me and the other cousin started our photoshoot.
This is me:


(Me – never satisfied with my click *sigh*)

This is us with the chips :p


We took the turn off the highway as instructed by the signboard and then the small distance from the highway to the lake was covered with bald trees, dusty road and the broken concrete road is as good as not being there but none the less it gave a feeling of going into the wild. As we reached, the wind was quite welcoming.  We quickly finished our chips and went in. We walked on the bridge which took us little ahead into the water and then the sudden slope descended on to the floating floor. The slope was scary but it was worth it. We descended, and the floating floor was making us dance. The surrounding was breathtaking lined with different trees and plantations. I asked myself “How mesmerizing can the universe get?” I captured these and they say it all.




some more clicks with my people :



The floating floor:


The man behind the wheels and the lady behind the apology trip 😀


After spending quality time letting the surrounding sink in! We set off to return.There were facilities for boat rides and water scooter too but we didn’t have enough time to explore it all as uncle wanted to leave before dark.
Then waiting for us was the sunset! I just fell in love with the day even more. Everytime I see a sunset, I literally draw it in my mind trying to capture the beautiful sun changing its color from bright yellow, to a little red in its boundary then adding a tinge of orange,  and then it turning into this fiery red ball. I wished to paint it with a brush and capture it but though I didn’t still I captured this :



After capturing the sunset we stopped at a tea stall and had this little cup of refreshment :



On our way back we visited Sai Baba Temple in Mandiapalli. The temple is quite famous and is located in a serene area. I couldn’t click any photo there, since it was already 18:30 and my phone camera is no good without enough light. It was Arti time ( Evening pooja), so we stayed for the Arti. It was just blissful! I am neither an atheist nor a theist, I hang in between, saying so I can bet there’s nothing like sitting peacefully in a Temple which isn’t crowded. The vibes are just what you need!

And in the end while coming back we found this fellow lurking on the railing near the temple shoe-stand:



In all it was a day worth remembering and penning it down has helped me create an even more lasting memory.

(Note : All photos are taken with my Xiaomi Redmi Note phone)



Someday I will see you.
I know you are out there because the day when I thought I am complete and I do not need someone to take me into their arms, I tried fixing myself but I couldn’t till now.
Someday when you will be here. We will sit together through the night. I will tell you how lonely this day made me feel and how strong I acted.
Someday while eating together you will see how normal and clumsy I am. I will narrate to you about the one particular day which I spent noticing how I am alive only because I am breathing, and then I will tell you of the times I tried to stop breathing.
Someday while walking under the noon sun along the shady road, I will describe to you the ways in which I cried and the amount of tears I had to shed in silence to drain out my emotions.
Someday while lying down together on the grass, I will explain you how I changed from the girl who loved dressing like a bride to the girl who no more bothers to look into the mirror.
Someday I will show you how I stayed alive in this skin, laughing and smiling so that I can be that one person for people to lean on, for I knew how it feels when no one understands the depth of our wounds.
Someday when I see you, I will spill out all the hurt buried in my chest and make sure you spill out yours. We can be friends, or be lovers or just be the missing person in our lives.
Someday when I see you, we will be all OKAY.



She has got the looks man! This small, little, cute, inagruably innocent face is a trap. Once you take them into your arms, done! Now you can never frown or be angry. You will through out make “kuchi kuchiku” faces and the people those who have seen your grave serious face will be smiling in the corner of their lips at the discovery of your tender heart and it’s weakness.
Cuteness is a weapon but it’s a good one 🙂


It all started with a little girl tracing her mother’s footsteps while still holding the end of her saree. When she did stop doing that, she walked alongside the stiff and confident footsteps of her father as he guided her to the school. Then started her journey. She watched people come and go. She followed some while some followed her and at times they walked together. Some stayed for a while, some left as soon as possible and some are still there admiring their togetherness. Among those who left, some kept the door open and some left her wanting to shut herself forever. Some walked away with such ingratitude that at times she kept looking at their footsteps, hoping that one day they will erode and she will never trace them back. Boldly though she walks now with people who care and love, hoping that one day her Footsteps will guide a few unto their destiny!

My Friend ‘MOON’


That night when my best friend did not want to talk with me, I looked at the night sky and found solace in the only moon..

That night when my loved one said those hurtful words, I looked up with watery eyes and again found the moon watching over me..

That night when I thought I will die and won’t wake up ever again in this body, I saw the moon peeping through the window at me..

That night when I got to know that the person who treated me like a princess breathes no more, I looked at the dark sky with blank eyes and there again I found the moon shining over me…

That night when I slept soaking my pillow with tears and went to sleep hoping to open eyes to a world less cruel and more loving, I watched the moon accompany me till I fell asleep..

And now when I point at the night sky and say “There!That’s my best friend, he has seen me at my worst.”,they laugh calling me silly and I once again look at the sky and smile at my Friend.

Defining Happiness!

What does happiness mean to me?

How should I define it?

Should I define it as the time when the little me used to play with the pebbles in the corner of our garden or should I define it as the nostalgic feeling that I get now when I remember those precious childhood memories?

Should I define it as the brown polka dotted skirt that used to open up like an umbrella every time I swirled around or should I define it as the first time I wore my mom’s saree?

No, I think I will define it as the joy in my father’s eyes when I got selected in to a government college.

But I also remember this guy who gave me butterflies, who made me feel special.

And then there’s this friend I leaned on when I was vulnerable.

And what about rain and my half drenched self, looking at the raindrops racing down the roof top?

Crap I totally forgot about the two people I shared my childhood with. The big brother with whom I watched all the cartoons and went on adventures on our way back to school. Then the elder sister who was my boss, who regulated my timing to go out, and on whose wardrobe I used to fall back in times when I felt I had no suitable clothes for my college functions.

Happiness is also my grandmother who used to sit by the front door till we returned safely back to home and the grandfather who loved to pose for the camera.

Oh and also it’s those little picnic trips I went with my friends to.

Also happiness is my neighbor’s little kid and me chasing the moon.

Happiness is sister’s marriage, brother getting placed and niece and nephew.

Happiness is cousins waiting in hometown for you to come back from your treatment.

Happiness is friends in an unknown city.

Happiness is knowing that no matter how bad the situation is it will pass. Happiness is having courage to smile.

Happiness is everything I am surrounded right now with, happiness is everything I am right now ‘coz I decided not to let its opposite define me.

Happiness is knowing that I am loved and I can love too. Happiness is the awareness that I am on the right path.

Do I go looking for happiness?

Well if we read everything I wrote about I never went looking for it, it was always there. All I did is, I started recognizing it. I started recognizing the pebbles I played with, the skirt I swirled in, the family I have, the guy that loved me, the friends I lean on and the numerous other things. Happiness can come as small little packages or big noticeable boxes, happiness can come as a person or a season, happiness can come as a pebble or a skirt, all we need to do is recognize it and embrace it.

In the end one thing I would like to mention is Happiness is a choice. If you decide to be happy you can find it all around you.



Flow with Life

You open up to someone,

Letting them blend in your skin.

Every touch of their skin,

And you engrave each sense of yours with their feel.

Then the inevitable comes “The Change”.

But you hold on so tight that you incinerate every sense of yours.

You try to flow, you try to move on,

But you didn’t really let go of that one twig.

Release it, let the current drive you.

Let life’s  wing spread.  

The senses will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes,

Renewed with energy, renewed with boundless love.

Flow like the water, don’t resist

And a present will come where the love will unveil itself…


The object of Love

IMG_20160310_141053An object was once stolen,

Fragile was the object stolen,

20years, it was safely kept,

Not breaking was the objective.


As the object of thought was love,

Trusting his object of affection,

She let the object to be stolen,

Safekeeping, now his objective.


Love was the one true objective,

Never was she objectified,

Thence there was no objection,

And so the object was never broken.





A little poem for my fellow sisters.


Swarming surrounding so swift,
Suddenly she slipped single step,
Sorrow striken, she spoke slow,
“Shall she stand, should someone support ?”

Shrunken state, still she smiled.
Slowly she stood, spreading sense.
Someone support she shan’t search.
Stellar self-confidence, she shall show.
So she stood singing song ” Sister shall share, sister shall smile. Sister shall stand, sister shall speak.”


-This post is dedicated to all the lovely ladies out there on this Women’s Day. Remember never await for someone to pick you up, stand up for yourself and by doing so you will be the inspiration for so many others to stand up for themselves.

– This post is also written in accordance with the IndiSpire prompt #YestoS (every word in the poem starts with ‘S’) 



The way people blend in with Nature at times makes us realize that we humans, after all are a part of nature. The wondrous and amazingly breathtaking creation of nature can only be saved and relished when humans start living harmoniously with it. Harmony for me is being one with Nature.






It feels I have been waiting here since a million years. I feel complete but I feel lost. I was making a list of beautiful words and I got hung up on ‘Querencia’. What a beautiful word!!
A place where I can feel at home, be my authentic self. I seek for such a place in someone’s heart. A place where I can be me, completely and wholly. I want to run away into the wild with a hand in “that someone’s” hand. I want a love flowing from acceptance. This wanting isn’t craving, it is a wish to experience pure love. I have faith out of the chaos a beautiful heart will emerge with immense feeling of love for me. Till then let me wait here with a symbol of love so that “that someone” can find me without escaping into Oblivion.


What do you feel ?

Today I was just pondering over my confused thoughts and feelings, playing over and over again the same thoughts, not reaching a conclusion. So not getting a closure, I reverted back in time to my childhood. Back then I just knew two words, I just had two ways of expressing everything. I was either happy or sad. Everything was simple.

‘I am happy, I laugh. I am sad, I cry’

But as I grew up I saw people ascribing happiness as good and sadness as bad. I started perceiving life through others view and stopped seeing the world ‘As it is’ and instead started seeing world as ‘As it should be’. The people I was surrounded with made it clear to me that dark skin is a bad thing, that being tall is a good thing, that being an artist is a bad thing ‘coz one can’t earn enough money with it and ‘money’ my friend, is a good thing! Subsequently, I stopped going after what I felt happiness in and always went with what was considered good. Next I came across other terms like love, hatred, nervousness, anxiety, anger, frustration, lonely, good looking, bad looking, sexy and on and on. My two basic clear feelings of either happiness or sadness were clouded. Now I experience something and I search for the perfect word among the defined words to elucidate it to someone, to let them know what I am feeling. Sometimes I feel lost amidst the web of words and I just want to say ‘I feel sad’.

Isn’t it simple. Either we feel happy or we feel sad, and we should go with something which makes us happy. When we go after what is good, we are in actuality going after someone elses definition of happiness. So let’s do stuff which makes us happy, let’s not shy away to cry when we feel like it ‘coz being sad is a part of life. Once we start doing what makes us happy, we will be driven towards it and we don’t have to consciously choose to be happy. Let’s stop naming and defining everything we feel for someone else to acknowledge it ‘coz tis not about what others feel, tis about what we feel.


To whomsoever it may concern!

One of the quotes which gave me hope!

Here’s my shoulder dear, come sit beside me. Let’s sit here and while the chaos in our head slowly resides, let me tell you something. Something which I learnt over the years, something which I think is important for you to know. Never give those few mishaps in your life the privilege of making your world go down. The people who let you down, leave them behind and run towards your life, grab it for yourself.
Yeah, I know it was you who went through it, I can never feel what you felt but believe me when I say I am here.It’s not how they made it look, the world is much better a place and much vast a space to put yourself as a strong, bold character. May be in italics too 😉
So, Start loving yourself and don’t let someone else’s action define you. Be your base, you always had the capability to change the world. Start recognizing yourself ‘coz then, and only then will you see how other’s life around you starts shining, all ‘coz of you. Remember it’s your world, it’s your gift.
Do not let anyone else open it for you.

P. S. – At any given point there is atleast one person who loves you more than you can imagine. So never give up on yourself.


I sat by the crooked window,
Looking onto the forbidden meadow,
At the horizon started my memory lane,
And it rained till I turned insane.

I gazed onto the horizon for long,
Sometimes I hummed the song ,
At another I read it quite straight,
For the drops brought memories with all its might.

The mellifluous sound of the rain,
came with the moments of lust, of pain,
Stretching my longing for ‘that land’ ,
Through the smell of the wetting sand.

As the child from the far away village cried,
Yet another illicit feeling arised,
So to end the myriad of confusion,
Once again I slept for a while in delusion.

That someone!


IMG_20160212_085903Sometimes we meet a person with whom we share our deepest thoughts, most horrible secrets, and be brutally honest knowing that we will be understood and that we will get a responsible reaction. With them our soul doesn’t hide, with them we need not lead a life of lie. With them we realize what we are and what we are not. That’s the one person we should treasure for life ‘Coz such people happen very rarely.

The Artsy Girl

PhotoGrid_1455098479294She is a tornado, trust me ‘coz she can’t be chained.
Like the thoughts in your mind, Her soul wanders every where.
She will be racing the time, climbing every obstacle. Making it big.

She will break down to the point of hopelessness,
And just when you are about to grin at her weakness,
Gathering herself from a pile of nothing, She will create everything around her.

A lover of art, she is a wild lover.
Once you feel it, her soul, you can’t help but to make it a part of you.
She will leave her impression on you like skin on the meat, loving you in every artistic way possible.
And then you will never be able to forgive yourself to have encountered such love ‘coz you know you can never find it again,
She is a risk ‘coz she is an addiction.

We deserve to be loved.

She said, “You should stop being so amazing, so perfect everyday, everytime”. He was puzzled. Just a moment ago they were fighting. She was upset with him. He did not know the reason though, but this sudden appreciation came out of nowhere. He tried reading her face but she had moved her back to him, it seemed as though she was trying to hide herself. He pestered her to just let it out. He tried to make her comfortable but then she again grew uneasy, she thrust his hand and tried walking away. Just then he shouted, “What have I ever done to you? Why are you like that?”.  She stopped, paused for a moment. She mustered all her courage and shouted,  “I fear losing you. I fear that this is just a dream. I am going crazy in love with you everyday, every moment. I just want to be yours. I have lived a worse life, people have faked everything. Now that you are so perfect to me, I fear it will turn into reality and the reality will be worst as it always has been. I know I don’t deserve you but I don’t wanna lose you!”

And then she cried her heart out, he did not mutter a word. He was confused.
He went near her, hugged her and tried to speak. So he said,”I never thought of losing you. Whenever I pictured myself in future you were always there, in every godamn picture. I know your past hurts you but I am not your past, I am your present and future. I never knew loving someone like this and I always wanted to just be with you, love you. If you think it’s a dream, then be it. Let’s live our dream together, we shall never wake up to reality. I’ll be yours and you be mine. Just be mine.”
They kissed. He turned back on his way to the kitchen and said,”I always thought I never deserved a lady like you, now that I know you too feel the same, may be we don’t deserve each other but we deserve this love “.


I pause in the middle of the book that I read under the afternoon sun sitting upright on the muddish white chair with legs folded..
I pause amongst the crowd of gossips under the roof with yellow paint..
I pause at the music of the song after the lyrics slowly goes back into silence..
I pause by the Sea side while playing with the water around a group of people whom I think I know…
This pause isn’t characterized by staying still like an Idol, this is a moment of pause where every reasons of my life cease to exist and I just wander off into the quite hole that appears out of no where and seems like it will stay till eternity. This is where everything calms down and I just ask myself ” Am I on the right path?”.
And then the pause breaks, I look around and say “may be I am.” .

The unsaid apology.

You meet new people, you get excited, you become friends, you laugh together, you share secrets, you reveal them your vulnerable side, you cry in front of them, you dream of spending time together, you dream of happiness…..

Then all of it recedes, you miss them, you wish you could go back, you don’t know how to start a conversation, you don’t apologize, you aren’t ready to accept an unsaid apology, you aren’t sure anymore, you try to breathe in the truth, you try different things to move on, in the process you meet new people, you get excited and you make friends without realizing that you are now again at the beginning of this note!