Today I was just pondering over my confused thoughts and feelings, playing over and over again the same thoughts, not reaching a conclusion. So not getting a closure, I reverted back in time to my childhood. Back then I just knew two words, I just had two ways of expressing everything. I was either happy or sad. Everything was simple.
‘I am happy, I laugh. I am sad, I cry’
But as I grew up I saw people ascribing happiness as good and sadness as bad. I started perceiving life through others view and stopped seeing the world ‘As it is’ and instead started seeing world as ‘As it should be’. The people I was surrounded with made it clear to me that dark skin is a bad thing, that being tall is a good thing, that being an artist is a bad thing ‘coz one can’t earn enough money with it and ‘money’ my friend, is a good thing! Subsequently, I stopped going after what I felt happiness in and always went with what was considered good. Next I came across other terms like love, hatred, nervousness, anxiety, anger, frustration, lonely, good looking, bad looking, sexy and on and on. My two basic clear feelings of either happiness or sadness were clouded. Now I experience something and I search for the perfect word among the defined words to elucidate it to someone, to let them know what I am feeling. Sometimes I feel lost amidst the web of words and I just want to say ‘I feel sad’.
Isn’t it simple. Either we feel happy or we feel sad, and we should go with something which makes us happy. When we go after what is good, we are in actuality going after someone elses definition of happiness. So let’s do stuff which makes us happy, let’s not shy away to cry when we feel like it ‘coz being sad is a part of life. Once we start doing what makes us happy, we will be driven towards it and we don’t have to consciously choose to be happy. Let’s stop naming and defining everything we feel for someone else to acknowledge it ‘coz tis not about what others feel, tis about what we feel.